The Science of Magic (new content)

“So when are you going to ask him out?” A woman in her mid-twenties sticks her head up above the right side of my cubicle.

“I’m not going to ask him out at all.”

“Oh come on Des! You deserve to have some fun! Besides, if you don’t want a serious relationship, you could always keep it at a sexual one.”

“Right. Sarah, you know I don’t date. No exceptions. And I don’t even like him!”

“Well that’s rich coming from the girl who’s been staring at him non-stop for the past ten minutes.” She tossed her long, curly red hair back and crossed her arms.

“I did not!” I hadn’t even realized I’d been staring at him for so long. “And even if I was, that still wouldn’t change anything.” I added before Sarah could protest. “Stop pouting, you child. Fine, I’ll buy lunch to make it up to you. Do we have a deal?”

“I do love food… Can we go to that nice Italian place on fifth?”

“Fine by me, as long as you stop trying to get me and Ryan together.” He was cute though, with his short black hair and dimples whenever he smiled. Bet he was the stud in his school and college and… life.

“You’re just lucky I love food as much as I do.”

“Yeah yeah, just be ready to leave in an hour.”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of when I get to have lunch at that Italian place.” I laughed and focused on the screen of my laptop again. Complicated graphs of economic possibilities of large companies were my area of expertise. Sarah was hired to do credit checks on companies before they could get a loan. We’d been friends ever since one of our company’s parties. She’d spilled a drink on some guy, who had obviously had one too many drinks. Anyway, he got angry and violent and I… well, I broke his nose. After that, Sarah and I started talking and we’ve gotten along very well ever since.

“Hey Des, do you have the report on Techny Corp. yet?”

“Y-yes, I uhm… finished it yesterday already, Mr. Daniels. I thought I’d e-mailed it to you, but I could be wrong. I mean, I’m just human and it wouldn’t be the first time I forgot about something. Though I am fairly certain I sent it this time. Not that I’m saying…” Sarah had started giggling halfway through my uncontrolled blabbering. Honestly, I was surprised she hadn’t fallen off her chair yet.

“It’s okay Desny, you have actually sent it, but I was just wondering if you had a hardcopy as well. I happen to prefer paper. And please just call me Ryan. I might be your boss, but we are practically the same age.”

“Will do, Sir… I mean Ryan.” No matter what, I always got nervous whenever Ryan was around. I hate to say it, but Sarah was right; I did like him, a lot. “And I’ll fetch the hardcopy right away.” I got up from my chair and almost fell over right away. Yes, I was that clumsy with him around. “There you go; one hardcopy of the Techny Corp. file.” I sounded a little too cheerful, I realized.

“Thank you Desny, and keep up the great work. We’d be lost without you here.” Ryan walked back to his own office. I fell back into my chair and purposely hit my head against my desk. “At least I don’t have to worry about a relationship now; I’m the laughingstock of the entire company.” I banged my head against the desk once again.

“It’s not that bad. Okay, stop banging your head against your desk or you WILL be the laughingstock of the company. Look, the way I see it; Ryan actually thinks it’s quite cute how you get all red and start stammering. But, you know, it doesn’t matter if you don’t want him to like you anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“No, that’s not how it works!” I raised my eyebrow in confusion. “You’re supposed to say that you do want him to like you and that you love his deep-brown eyes and the way he smiles and whatever. You’re supposed to say you want him to love you and that you want to marry him and have children and live happily ever after.”

“Wow, you have it all thought out, don’t you? Unfortunately this isn’t a fairy-tale; he doesn’t like me and I have vowed not to date anyone ever again.”

“Don’t you see? That’s what makes it so perfect; you think he’s not interested, but actually he dreams of lifting you from that chair and kissing you senseless.”

“Yes, that must be it.” I sighed and turned to my laptop yet again, knowing there was no winning here.

“Ready to get some lunch?!” I looked up and saw my valued co-worker hanging over the right side of my cubicle like she always did.

“Just give me five more minutes. I want to finish this report before lunch.” Sarah pouted her lips and sat back down, sighing loudly. “I’m done, let’s go.” I told Sarah about six minutes later. So I miscalculated a minute, who cares?

“Yes! And you can bet I’ll order the most expensive thing on the menu, Des!” She got off her chair, smiling broadly, and almost danced toward the elevator. It’s not like the stairs are a good plan when you’re on the twenty-first floor.

Suddenly the doors to the stairs flung open, almost hitting me in the face. “Everyone get out as fast as you possibly can!” Eric, a guy who worked on the floor below us shouted in panic.

“Eric, calm down, the aliens are not coming to get us.” I replied, a little bit annoyed.

“No, but…” He fell to the floor face down and now I could see blood seeping through his shirt, along with a gunshot between his shoulder blades. I dropped on my knees next to him, foolishly thinking I might be able to help. Not five seconds later, two guys wearing masks and holding guns came bursting in as well. They started shooting around at random and in the corner of my eye, I could see Sarah dropping to the floor. The shooting continued and soon every corner of the floor was covered in blood. The gunshots stop and the room goes quiet, I didn’t think there were any survivors at all. Then I realized; I was still alive, they hadn’t shot me or at least not yet. The guys in masks had stopped shooting to reload their guns and I knew I had to act or I would get killed too. I rose up and shoved the gun of one of the guys into his face. With my other hand I punched him in such a way I knew would knock him out. The other guy finished reloading his gun as quickly as his hands would allow him, but just when he got it reloaded, I stabbed him in the neck with a letter-opener that had fallen off a desk.

“Is anyone still alive?!” I yelled out desperately. No answer.

That was three years ago. The nightmares still haunt me every night. Sarah, Ryan, Eric, no one made it out alive, except me. I blame myself for what happened; I blame myself for not acting sooner, for not believing Eric, but what I think about mostly is if Sarah would’ve survived if we’d gotten on the elevator sooner. My name is Destiny Mills and this is a story about how I lost myself.

-Chapter 1-

“Okay men, you’re under my supervision now. Which means that every little sissy who’s afraid to get his silky hands dirty, should leave right this second. No takers? Well then, boys, I hope you’re ready for some fire, because for the next two weeks, I’ll put you through hell.”

“Major Mills, sir! May I ask what our training consists of?” A guy with brownish-blonde hair to his shoulders, who appeared to be about twenty-eight, asked.

“Well lieutenant, first of all, you’ll learn to say ma’am to women.” The lieutenant in question looked down, ashamed. “Then you’ll realize I’m quite forgiving. What is your name, lieutenant?”

“Lieutenant Danny Buckley, si… ma’am!” His blue eyes were apologizing for him as well.

“Well Buckley, you can drop and give me twenty. Not for calling me sir, but for asking what to expect. Let me tell you your first words of wisdom; you never know what to expect and so, I will not let you know what will happen in advance. You will obey the orders I give you, no questions asked. Is that understood?” I looked at the five people still standing next to each other.

“Yes Ma’am!” All of them replied in perfect unison.

“All right, that’s what I like to hear! I trust all of you know about our war with our neighbouring country Menna. We are training for a special operation; we are assigned to retrieve certain items. That is all I can tell you for now. Now you all follow me and follow me closely. If you lose the rest of the group, it will be unlikely you’ll find your way back to the camp. And I’m not your nanny, I will not come looking for you, you will be on your own. So just keep up and everything will be fine. Today our course will be fairly easy, I trust you will all keep up, but this does not mean I’ll make it easy for you. Your objective is to try and catch me. Even if you don’t, it is vital to stay close, like I’ve mentioned before.”

“I’ve heard she’s ‘The Tiger’, how does she expect us to keep up?” I overheard a younger female warrant officer whisper in the ear of the male sergeant next to her. She had brown eyes and long black hair, tightly pulled together into a bun.

“You’ll do best not to whisper in my presence, you see, my ears are quite good. What are your names?” I stayed calm and official.

“I’m Officer Mary Brighton, ma’am.” The female warrant officer replied a little scared of the consequences that her question might be bearing.

“Sergeant Joseph Kelly, I apologize for my behaviour, ma’am!” From this reaction alone, one could see he was prepared to follow orders very well. This guy used to be a doctor, or so I’d read in his file. I was good at reading people, but not that good. Sergeant Kelly reminded me of Ryan a little; he had the same short, black hair, even though Kelly had grey eyes, where Ryan had deep blue ones.

“At ease, Sergeant Kelly. I am indeed also known by the ridiculous nickname ‘The Tiger’. And I do not expect you to be able to catch me, feel free to surprise me though. You have to use your tracking skills to follow my lead; you need to get yourselves out of that forest safely. To follow me in will be easy, after that, you’ll have to work together to find your way back here. This is what I ask of you, nothing more, nothing less. Are you ready?”

“Yes ma’am!” Six voices reply.

I nodded and ran into the forest, the footsteps of the rest of my team clearly audible behind me. Like I told them; the way in was not very difficult. The only things that could be considered challenging were a few fallen trees, which I avoided by gracefully (or as graceful as possible at least) jumping over them. The six following me had a bit more difficulty with them, but they managed to keep up very easily. Once I reached a clear patch which I knew was about a mile into the woods, I started on the route back. Naturally, I didn’t go straight back to the edge of the woods, I ran parallel to the woods’ edge for a while, before slightly turning right. On the way back, I quickened my pace and used the various tree trunks to conceal myself from the others. My path was also reduced to fallen trees, branches and clear pieces of road. I was no rookie; I wasn’t going to let them hear my footsteps. When I knew I was almost at the edge of the forest, I climbed into a tree with enough leaves to cover me up entirely. As still as I could possibly sit, I waited for the team to find me. The forest was quiet; they had to still be far away. This was going to be a long wait, I feared. And I was right; it took almost an hour before I could even hear their voices. They also seemed to have neglected to think of what I wanted them to do. The voices I could hear were from Officer Brighton and one of the guys, a sergeant major, if I remembered correctly.

“I knew we shouldn’t have followed that stream! I said we shouldn’t, but did anyone listen? No, it’s a far better idea to just assume a woman famous for survival would go for the easy option, right?” The sergeant major spoke far too loud.

“Oh yeah? Wasn’t it you who suggested we just walk the way back to camp and forget about finding Major Mills?” Brighton shot back.

“Maybe we should just make one of you our leader then, shall we? You don’t earn a promotion by being right; you earn it by following orders and being a team-player. Now be quiet! If she’s planning on making it difficult for us, she’ll flee once she hears our voices.” This guy was smart, I had to give him at least that. He was probably the captain among them. I didn’t receive a lot of information on the people that got sent to me, but I did know what ranks they would be. I got one captain, two lieutenants, a warrant officer, a sergeant major and a sergeant. Their ranks could be deduced by looking at their insignia, but that still wouldn’t grant me a name, they would’ve had to tell me that themselves.

When they were almost exactly below me, I jumped out of the tree and held a knife to a lieutenant’s neck. “And that’s it, you’re dead. I have to say I am disappointed in all of you! I could hear you arguing miles away. If I would’ve been your enemy, this would’ve been a slaughter! Your one objective was to track me down, but as a team! Not one of you has shown a sufficient amount of team spirit.” The captain dove on top of me right in the middle of my rant. “What the hell is this?!”

“You told us to try and catch you in the forest. We are still in the forest.” Right, I did say that. Oh well. I needed no more than two seconds to get the roles reversed; I was now on top of him and my foot was on his throat, which no doubt made it difficult for him to breathe. His arms were also very useless at this point, since his body lay on top of one and my other foot held his second arm down. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Like I was saying, or trying to say; I don’t care if you catch me, I’m trying to teach you how to stay alive. And if you refuse to listen, then I don’t want you in my team! When we’re out there in Menna, we will only have the seven of us, you will have to trust one another in order to stay alive.” I paused to let the message sink in. Then I got up and helped the captain to stand up straight. “I apologize for closing off your windpipe a bit; I just needed to get the message through. Are you all right Captain…?”

“Nathaniel Martins, ma’am.” He saluted me while saying that, and his posture while doing that let me to believe he’d served before. And wow, hello muscles. He would’ve needed to train for hours a day to get that fit. He seemed to be very neat, but his short-ish brown hair was a perfect mess. It suited him though, especially with his emerald-green eyes.

“You were the only one who seemed to remember what I wanted you to accomplish.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“That’s not necessarily a compliment. You outrank the others, Captain Martins, you are allowed to take the lead and get the others to focus. You have not been a captain for long, have you?”

“No, I recently got promoted to captain. I’ve been a lieutenant for a very long time before that, ma’am.” That would explain why he was used to following orders and also why he had remembered what to do so well.

“Then you’re main training will consist of growing into your role. A lieutenant mostly follows orders, a captain should not only follow them, but also give them to those below him. It is not easy to change the way you act, but I will make you an appropriate second in command.” I shook his hand as a sign of respect. “As for the rest of you; we’ve got a long road ahead. Now let’s head back to camp and make ourselves some dinner, the sun is setting already. Brighton and Sergeant Major, you will be cooking. That’s your punishment for your relentless bitching.”

“Yes ma’am.” The two of them responded with a whole lot of guilt.

“Good, now follow me. And if any of you get the smart idea to tackle me from behind, then I guess we’ll have someone to clean the toilets.” The team just stood still, not knowing what to think. “It’s a joke, loosen up, training’s over for today. Take it from me; every minute of free time you get, you want to spend it relaxing. You’ve chosen a stressful profession and I’m not your drill sergeant, or at least not after training. Hell, that would be way too stressful for me. I’m human too, you know.”

“I thought you were a tiger, that’s an animal.” A lieutenant remarked and immediately regretted saying that to a superior.

I laughed. “I told you it was a ridiculous nickname. And don’t ever regret saying something; you can’t take it back anyway. It’s better to stand by your words and be wrong than to be a pushover.” The lieutenant heaved a huge sigh of relief. “On another note; I still don’t know who you and you are.” I pointed at the sergeant major with those last words.

“Lieutenant Chase Lucas and the sergeant major over here is my little brother Lionel.” Chase was definitely more relaxed now.

“I don’t see it.” I said, a little too blunt.

“That’s because I’ve inherited the good looks and he got… I don’t know, what did you get, Lionel?” Chase chuckled a little and Lionel tried to hit his brother. Chase was not wrong though; he did get the good looks. His blonde, curly hair must have wowed the ladies more than once and his light-brown eyes were definitely not against him either. His brother Lionel wasn’t bad-looking; he was just not as handsome as Chase was. Lionel’s skin wasn’t as nicely tanned and his hair wasn’t curly, but just hanged around his face a bit. But then again, Chase was surely the ladies’ man among them and I never liked those guys.

“Now, now, boys; be nice.” I said jokingly maternal. Chase laughed warmly, one of those laughs that could get the entire room to laugh with him.

“Major Mills, can I ask you a question?” Sergeant Kelly asked carefully.

“A teacher would have replied with: ‘I don’t know, can you?’, but since I’m no teacher; go ahead.”

“How did you get stuck with ‘The Tiger’ as a nickname? You surely didn’t come up with it yourself and you seem to hate it, so I was wondering.”

“Hmm, I don’t hate it, I just think it’s… well… trying too hard. However, that wasn’t your question. They named me that after an incident in the Trivian war: I got captured and managed to escape by just using my agility, strength and common sense, mostly. I needed no one to come and save me, just like a tigress. One of my team members actually said that as a joke. I guess it caught on pretty well, huh?”

“You could say that, yeah.” Lionel remarked. Everyone was a little more relaxed now, they were getting more comfortable.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Chase asked his little brother as we stepped into the cafeteria. Besides us, there was absolutely no one. Then again, we were not a large operation and our team was actually very late. Not my fault, I expected them to find me sooner than they actually did, I overestimated them. Okay, that just might be my fault right there…

“How should I know?! I don’t know what food’s in the kitchen!” Sergeant Major Lucas answered, clearly irritated by his brother.

“Tell you what: there should be quite a lot of frozen pizzas in the white freezer all the way to the left. You’ll get out of your punishment this time, but only this time. If I ever have to scrutinize the two of you again for the same thing, I will be twice as vicious. Understood?” It’s not that I was a good person so much as that I was very hungry and just wanted my food as soon as possible.

“Yes, ma’am, thank you!” I nodded as a reply and the two went in the kitchen to make us all some pizza.

I lay my head down on the table, tired as I was. “Ma’am, are you okay?” My second in command, Captain Nathaniel Martins, looked down at me with concern in his eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine, just tired is all. You get your sleep whenever you get the chance. I guess that never changed for me after the Trivian war. Were you also fighting in that particular war, captain?”

“Yes, I was fighting in that war as well. How did you know?”

“I recognized the sad look on your face. You haven’t killed before then, am I right?”

“You are.” His eyes turned and he looked down at the table.

“What we do isn’t pretty, I’m sure you never expected it to be. But before you actually kill someone, it’s all just speculation. Even though we all knew that that was what we had to do sooner or later. The army isn’t nice or cosy; it can be hell on earth sometime.”

“Then why, if I may ask, did you join in the first place, Major Mills?”

“One thing: after hours, it’s Desny or Des. No Major or ma’am and certainly no Destiny. Now for your question; I’m sure you’ve heard about the slaughter at the Company Finance tower, right?” The four of them all nodded. “Well, I was in that building when it happened. I had been working there since I was seventeen, five years of my life.” I swallowed; I’d never really realized how big a part of my life I’d spend working in that office. I had been friends with Sarah for almost that long. I’d had a crush on my superior for about four years and never had worked up the courage to do something about it. It somehow seemed funny now, how I’d been too scared to ask a guy out, when now I killed terrorists for a living. And let me tell you: those terrorists could be far more dangerous. “Either way, I was about the only survivor or at least the only one from my floor. I lost my best friend that day and I still feel guilty for not saving at least her. I guess I joined the army to make sure something like that would never happen to anyone else.”

“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” He looked down at the table again.

“Unless you’re psychic, you have nothing to be sorry for. Now, if you are; you should tell me now, it might be useful for us.” I forced a smile. Sorry okay, but I haven’t smiled an awful lot after Sarah died right in front of me.

“Unfortunately I’m not psychic.” Nathaniel did seem to conjure up a genuine smile to go with his words.

“Oh shit, that would’ve been so awesome!” Chase mixed himself into the conversation.       

“Who wants pizza?!” Officer Brighton yelled out cheerfully as she stepped out through the kitchen-door.

“Well, you guys have fun bonding some more, I’m heading to bed.” I broke the silence after we’d eaten.

“But it’s only like ten o’clock, isn’t that a little early?”

“Well Chase, once you reach my age… No, but I’m really very tired and I want to go to bed. Maybe you’re forgetting I have to get up over an hour before you do to decide what I will teach you next.”

“Tomorrow then?” Chase continued.

I sighed. “Maybe, maybe not, we’ll see.” I never made these sort of plans in advance. I liked to able to have some freedom in what I did and did not do. “Sleep well, team, tomorrow will not be easier than today has been.”

“I’ll walk with you; I’m going to turn in as well.” That might’ve been the first time Lionel had spoken (sort of) directly to me.

“How are we related? You’re so incredibly boring.” Of course Chase had to say that.

“I’m so sorry for my brother; he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes.” Lionel began apologetic while avoiding eye contact.

“It’s not that bad; I think you got more of it than I did.” Honestly, the guy wasn’t very nice to his brother.

He stopped walking across the hallway. “Maybe so, but I’m used to it and not only that, we’re also brothers; it’s kind of normal. I was merely pointing out that I think his flirting was a bit out of line.” He did look me in the eye now and his deep-brown eyes told me he was serious.

“He was flirting? I can be very ignorant when it comes to flirting; I just don’t notice it. Plus I find it hard to believe anyone would actually try to flirt with me.” I just wasn’t used to male attention. I’d always been a geek and a loner when I was in high-school. Good luck finding someone interested in you then.

“Really? I…” He paused for a second, trying to find his words. “I just find it hard to believe you’re not used to guys flirting with you.” I started to answer that, but Lionel cut me off saying: “I’m sorry; I was out of line this time.” And he walked on.

“No, that’s not it. It’s just… well… I don’t know why you’d think that. I mean; I’m a girl in the army, I reached the rank of major in just three years. Can you see how that might intimidate men? Not that I’ve at all been interested in dating anyone, not for a long time. And even before I joined the army I wasn’t exactly popular with the guys. At that time, I was just pretty much a loser with a high functioning set of brains.” It was painful, but oh so true. Actually, no, not entirely true, but that’ll come later.

Lionel raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I did not expect that. I apologize if I’m overstepping, but one could consider you a very attractive woman. Even when you consider the fact that you’re in the army and are able to kill a person in less than three seconds, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you were to have more than one admirer.” Okay, I guess it was my turn now to be surprised.

“Is this some sort of flirting? Because I’ve told you; I am ignorant toward flirting.”

“I can assure you, ma’am, it is not.” Those words made me feel like an idiot all right. “I believe this is your room. I wish you a good night, Major Mills.”

“And to you too, Sergeant Major Lucas.” We saluted each other and Lionel turned around, undoubtedly in the general direction of his own room.

-Chapter 2-

My alarm went off at four AM the next morning. After that followed the usual morning-ritual, namely; taking a shower, getting dressed, grabbing a bite and then it’s off to the training hall. In our tiny little camp, surrounded by woods, there were two options to train; inside in our training hall or you could go outside for shooting practise, obstacle-runs or training your survival skills in the woods. Naturally there were a lot more options outside, but those were the things we focused on. But in the morning, I preferred to kick some dummy-ass in the indoors training hall. I usually did this for about an hour, after which I’d think of what today’s training would consist of.

“Captain Martins, what are you doing up this early in the morning?” I’d noticed him walking in out of the corner of my eye while I was giving the dummy an especially rough treatment.

“Ma’am,” again with the salute, “I like to get myself physically awake before starting on our daily training.”  Nathanial was still frozen in his salute.

“A salute doesn’t have to take hours, captain. You can lower your arm right about now.” I gave it a crooked smile to make it come off less harsh and Captain Martins immediately dropped his right arm clumsily and started to apologize. I did actually laugh a little this time. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Martins, I was just getting scared you were frozen like that.”

“I was not, ma’am.”

“I know that, thank you captain.” I figured he’d walk away after that, to train by himself or something along those lines. “Is there something you want to ask?” I finally started, realizing Nathaniel wasn’t going to.

“Yes ma’am, there is something I’ve wanted to ask about.” A long pause followed.

“Well, go on then. You can ask me just about anything, captain.” I had always been very open with my team; it ensured trust and a feeling of coherence.

“I wanted to know how you could overpower me as easily as you did yesterday and also if you could teach me how to prevent that from happening again, ma’am.” I was impressed by how eager he was to learn.

“I could overpower you as easily as I did, because your stance wasn’t good enough. You were supporting yourself with just the leg that was in front, take that away and I can very easily flip you over. The trick is to support yourself with as many limbs as possible. For example; when holding someone down, like you tried to do yesterday, you support yourself with both legs as well as with both your hands. It is possible to hold someone down by their wrists and still lean on your hands by simply using their wrists as a sort of platform. Here, let me show you.” I steered Captain Martins toward the small hand-to-hand combat ‘arena’.

“That’s really not necessary, ma’am, I think I can do it with just the information. Thank you anyway.”

“You’ll learn best by doing, captain. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were scared.” Luring people out, it was my special defence and my last resort in these situations. Nathaniel sighed and followed me. I got him down on the floor first, leaning on my knees and hands. “See what I mean? Try to get out of my grip like this.” He tried, but failed. “Okay, so now I’ll show you what you were doing.” I shifted back and held myself up by using only one of my knees. “Try to overpower me now.” It was almost like I was air, as easily as Nathaniel rolled me over onto my back. “Think of what I showed you; lean on all four limbs. That’s a lot better. It’s almost impossible for anyone to get out of this grip.”

“Almost? You know someone who could?” He must’ve been very focused to forget adding ‘ma’am’ to that sentence.

“I could, but it wouldn’t be by fighting fair exactly, if you catch my drift.” Oh yes, he knew what I meant; Martins closed his legs as much as he possibly could in this position.

“So Nate, when are you going to kiss the girl?!” Chase walked into the training hall and obviously could not resist remarking on what he saw. Nathaniel was distracted by him, which give me an opening the reverse the roles the exact same way I’d done the day before.

“Oh and captain, one more thing; don’t get distracted!”

“Yes ma’am.” Just like last time; I got up and helped Martins up as well.

“Don’t be ashamed by that, Lucas is just an annoying jackass, you should learn to ignore distractions like that.” Nathaniel nodded shamefully. “You’ve done well this morning, captain. Let me know if you ever want to do this again; I’m here every morning. Just not on Sundays, I figure I should grant myself some rest at least once a week.”

I held out my hand to shake the captain’s. He hesitated. “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to do this every day. I still have a lot to learn and you’re the expert on close combat, ma’am.” Now he did shake my hand.

“Not a problem at all, captain. After all, since you’re in my team, it’s also in my best interest to get you as skilled as possible. I look forward to working with you.” This time, I was the one to salute him and have him salute me back. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an entire day of training to plan.” Martins bowed slightly while keeping up the salutation.

I’d come up with the idea to start the day off with some shooting practise, then have lunch and end our training with an obstacle course. These first few days, I just wanted to give them a lot of different challenges, so I could see where their strengths and weaknesses lay.

A little less than an hour later, I had finished setting everything up and I already saw my team arrive at the assigned rendezvous. “Good morning team, I hope you’ve all had enough sleep, because today will be even more intensive than yesterday has been. Follow me to our first challenge of the day.”

“Ah, shooting practise, but you’ve already shot an arrow through my heart, huh Des?” Okay, that was so obviously flirting even I couldn’t miss it.

“Lieutenant Lucas, unless you want to receive a bullet in your brain, I suggest you stick to either ‘ma’am’ or ‘Major Mills’, am I clear?” He should’ve remembered what I said the day before; only after hours it’s okay to call me by my first name. As soon as we we’re on the field, I didn’t need nor want to be their friend. I was their superior and all I asked for was respect.

“Yes ma’am, I apologize for my actions; I was out of line.” It seemed like the memories had finally made its way back into his head.

“All is forgiven. Now, I want three of you to grab a sniper-rifle and the other three to grab a handgun. When you’ve done that, prepare to start shooting, but do not fire a shot before I tell you to. Understood?”

“Yes ma’am.” Six voices answered me.

“Okay, go!” The six walked of in an orderly fashion, which, if I have to be honest, I did not expect to have happened. “Guns at the ready, prepare to shoot and stay perfectly still so I can check if your posture is correct.” Everyone obeyed, no questions asked. “Buckley, a sniper stays as low as possible; you don’t want to get spotted.” Lieutenant Buckley lowered his body as much as he could. “Better, much better. Brighton, make sure you’re stable. If your feet are but an inch apart, the slightest push could make the direction of your shot entirely different.”

“How’s this, ma’am?” Her feet were a little over a foot apart and her knees were now slightly bent.

“That’s what I want to see, officer! It would be great if you would all remember this. Now get yourselves a pair of ear-protectors and get back into position.”

“I apologize for asking, Major Mills, but why didn’t we get the protectors the first time through?” Sergeant Kelly asked in an official tone.

“Excellent question, sergeant. Can anyone tell me the answer to this question?”

“Ma’am, it was to make sure we’d get our stances right a second time, to see if we’d use your advice right away.” I nodded toward the captain.

“That is absolutely correct, Captain Martins. To all of you; I never do something like this for no reason, I always have a motivation, even if it seems farfetched.” Everyone nodded and him- or herself a pair of protectors. “I think you know what comes next; get into position.” Pretty damn perfect stances were all I could see. “This is what brings a major joy, guys, great job! I think you’re ready for your first attempt at hitting the target, go!” A fairly good first attempt, in my opinion. “Okay, that’s not bad, but let’s see if we can do better. Why don’t you all take a look at how it’s done?” I got my own gun from my holster and took aim at one of the targets. I focused my attention on the red dot in the middle and tuned out everything else. I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger, bull’s-eye! “The key to hitting your target is to tune out every distraction and focus solely on the target. This is the same for snipers, but I shall demonstrate that too nonetheless.” I held out my hand toward Captain Martins, who in his turn gave me his rifle. I got down on the ground and started the same routine I had done with the handgun. Again, my bullet went straight through the middle of the target. The others applauded.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but I’ve heard you don’t like using guns.” Lieutenant Lucas said while keeping the official tone in his voice.

“You’ve heard correctly; I prefer knives over my own two hands and I prefer my hands over my gun. However, this does not mean I don’t know how to use a gun. You can always be in a situation where using a gun is simply smarter or where your gun is your only option. When the enemy has set up a barricade and starts shooting at you with a dozen people, you can hardly walk over to them to start throwing punches.” Well, you could, but your chances of survival where very slim.

“Why do you prefer knives then, ma’am? Aren’t they a huge liability? I mean, a gun could be used from far away, but also close up. To use a knife, you’d have to be close to your enemy, wouldn’t you?” Officer Brighton wanted to know.

“That’s where you’re wrong; if you know how to use a knife, it’s the most precise weapon you can find. I’ll show you.” I got a small throwing-knife from my belt (I always had at least five with me) and threw it at the same target I’d used for the sniper-rifle. I needn’t even look, but still I knew it would hit the exact centre of the red dot. “That is why I prefer knives over any other type of weapon.” Most of the team looked at the target in awe, only Nathaniel looked at me with something I’d say was blame or even resent. “Get back to you post and resume practise. Captain Martins, I’d like to speak with you in private if you don’t mind.” The captain nodded and followed me back behind one of the cabins that belonged to the owners of the training-camp.

“Is something the matter, Major Mills?” He asked as soon as I’d stopped walking.

“Why don’t you tell me? I saw the way you looked at me after I threw that knife.” I demanded to know everything that was bothering him about me.

“I recognized the technique from back in Trivia, ma’am.” He looked away right after he’d said it and I knew why. The war hadn’t brought out the best in me; I was still so upset over what had happened in the tower, that I took my remorse out on those poor souls out there.

“Listen to me very carefully, captain; there’s not a day that goes by in which I don’t regret what I did there. But that’s my problem. It’s my problem I can remember every single person I’ve killed, it’s my problem I wake up screaming every night because their faces haunt me in my sleep and it’s my problem I’ve been an executioner and got rewarded for it. We live in a sick, messed up world, but it’s our world and I can’t change what I did back then. I have to live with the consequences, but I can promise you one thing; if I ever were to kill an innocent person again, I myself would be the next one to die. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes Major, and I’m sorry for judging you. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, I was wrong to hold it against you when I’ve been a killer as well.” The regret in his eyes was overwhelming.

“Captain, I know I don’t come over as caring and usually, I’m not, but if you need to talk about it, you know where to find me.” I had never tried it myself, but I’d heard other soldiers say it helped to talk about these things. So I figured that was the least I could do.

He smiled sadly. “I’ll remember that, thank you Major Mills.”

I saluted and started walking back to the shooting-area. “You can stay here as long as you want, captain, just come to train whenever you’re ready.” He nodded, but followed me immediately.

“Ah, Major Mills, how nice of you to finally show. Aren’t you supposed to be giving this training, rather than sneaking of with what I can only guess to be your lover?” An older man with grey hair spoke. Chase snorted at the last word.

“I’m sorry, sir, but would you be as kind as to tell me your name?” For him to just talk to me like that, he must’ve been pretty high up, but I’d simply never seen the guy before.

“I’m General Cornell, does that ring a bell?” Oh fuck. Yes, it did ring a bell; General Cornell was one of the five generals ruling Gedhi, our country. He wasn’t the head of the five generals, but he had more than enough power to remove me from my post.

I had heard he liked it when his soldiers went against him, so I took a risk. “Well, General Cornell; I don’t expect you to understand, but some of us need a little help to heal from the wounds of war. Some need a little more than just being able to shoot stuff.” This could either cost me my head or… No, this was going to cost me my head.

“Very well then,” he said while smiling a bit (boy, I can’t believe that actually worked), “I just came here to inform you and your crew of the change in plans.” What plans? And why couldn’t they just send some messenger or, I don’t know, pick up a phone?

“Please do tell, I have not yet been informed of any change in plans.” I hated to be this formal, but the situation didn’t really grant me with a choice; I’d already taken a big risk and losing my job wasn’t something I looked forward to.

“As I trust you know; we were planning on sending you to your mission in a month.” I nodded. “Well, you see, the plans have been rearranged and we want you to go to Menna in exactly one week from now.” I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling my mouth had fallen open.

“Excuse me?! I barely even know my team and their capabilities, but still I’m expected to go on one of the most dangerous missions we’ve ever been stupid enough to execute?!” I didn’t care about my fragile position at that point; this was the thinking of a mad man!

“That’s exactly what we expect our most promising protégé to do. That’s you right; the female soldier who manager to reach the rank of major in just three years?” I seriously began considering if the pros of killing General Cornell would outweigh the cons. I feared they did not; there were more where he came from.

I forced a smile and felt it looked like the sort of smile a serial killer would have before ripping your stomach open. So, not far off from what I wanted to do. “I would never refer to myself as ‘your most promising protégé’. I am merely pointing out that, although you all have a lot of experience in the military field, this might not be the best decision to make.” I tried my absolute best to sound as sweet as ever. It was difficult.

“I think you are in over your head, sweet girl. This decision came from so high up the food-chain, you can’t even protest with your meaningless little function. Don’t worry, you won’t get fired; we need you to go get those stones for us. I wish both you and your team good luck. There will be two trucks at the ready next week, I expect you to get in it.” I hated this, but my options were limited; I could either do it or I could quit and probably be charged for treason, which would result in the death-penalty.

“Yes sir,” I finally reacted shot down, “have a save trip.” I refrained from saying what I actually thought, which would be something along the lines of ‘I hope your chopper falls out of the sky, into a sea filled with hungry sharks who carefully take their time to make your death as painful as possible’. Some guys just had that effect on me, can’t blame me this time.

“What an arrogant jackass!” Chase let out as soon as the arrogant jackass was in the air. “I’m sorry ma’am; you probably have a lot of respect for this man, but I can’t stand for the way he treated you.” That was actually pretty decent of him.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t respect shark-bait.” I can’t believe I just said that out loud; one of them could be reporting back to Cornell. Then again, they weren’t going to fire me for that, not when they needed me to get me and my team killed, attempting to steal those freaking stones.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but shouldn’t you at least appear to have some respect for the people who rule this country, ma’am?” Yes Martins, yes I should.

“You heard the guy, they’re not going to fire me; they need me to die on one of their stupid missions of
so-called peace. Add to that that I didn’t break any of his bones and I think the amount of respect I’ve shown is more than adequate. For future reference: that’s the glamour of being a major in charge of his or her own team. Still want to climb that ladder, because I’m sure as hell starting to doubt my decision to do this.” So I looked like I hated my superiors, who cared?

“Major Mills, I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are in this together. I have faith in all of our abilities and even though I haven’t been on your team for long, I would follow you to the gates of hell.”

“That’s nice Lieutenant Lucas, but I think ‘the gates of hell’ was overdoing it.” Seriously though, no one in their right mind would follow someone they’ve only known for a day to the gates of hell.

“Yes man, maybe you should let me take this one, okay?” Chase smiled and nodded Nathanial on. “Look, I know we’re not a very good team yet. What lover-boy over there was trying to say, was that we all believe you can make a rock-solid team out of this shady bunch. Am I right?” He asked the others openly.

“Yes!” All five of them yelled back.

“I’m willing to try if you are.”

“Then I think you should resume our training. At your service, Major Mills.” A perfectly synchronised six-way salute followed.

“I think you guys are even crazier than I am! That’s good; only crazy people could bring this mission to a good end. I think we might have an actual shot at this.” Given that the team-spirit would continue to be this great. I looked at my watch; time for lunch already. That asshole of a general messed up my schedule even more then I’d initially thought. I sighed. “Okay, well, let’s just get some lunch. I’ll figure out how the hell I’m going to make this work while eating.” The walk back was quiet, the air was tense. We all knew what lay ahead of us and it wasn’t pretty. The training I’d planned was quite hard already, but to put a whole month’s worth of it in just one week? It was suicide.

“How’s the planning working out, Major Mills?” Chase asked, still chewing part of a cheese sandwich.

“Lunch-break counts as after hours. Don’t hurt yourself trying to be official Lucas. And I honestly don’t know if we can pull this off, but I’ll make it work nonetheless.” I wasn’t going to let those snobbish generals get me down. Oh no, it takes more than that to get Destiny Andrea Mills down!

“For what it’s worth; we really do all believe in what Nate said out there. We trust in you to guide us. You can do this, Des.” Mary Brighton had said it, but all the others nodded along to show they felt the same way.

“Thank you guys, it means a lot to know you believe in me.” Still kept my fingers crossed to have the
team-spirit stay this way.

“You should eat something.” Nathaniel suggested.

“Right after I’ve got this thing figured out.” Nathaniel sighed and snatched my training-chart out of my hands. “You’re walking a thin line here, Martins. Give me back my schedule!” He simply shook his head and resumed eating. “You know what? Whatever, I’m not going to waste energy on kicking your ass, which is what I should do. But I’m not saying you won’t pay for this later. I’m not done with you, Martins.”

“It’s funny how you want us to call you by your first name in your spare time, but you still call us by our last name.”

“Perks of being the head of the food-chain, honey, or Nathaniel if you prefer that.” I took a huge bite out of my chicken sandwich and swallowed it almost immediately; the faster I finished eating, the better.

“Nathanial? Really? Not even Nate or Nathan? You’re a strange woman, Des, I can tell you that.” It should make my blood boil, but I really didn’t care what he said about me. It seemed to be somehow okay.

“Can I get my schedule back now?” I held out my hand, a bit annoyed.

“Have you finished eating your food yet?” He and Chase laughed.

“Yeah okay, that’s the final straw.” I got up from my seat and clanked both their heads together. Before walking away, I made sure to steal my schedule back. They stopped laughing though. “You’ve got ten minutes to finish eating!” I shouted back as I stepped through the front door.

“So, I guess you’ve figured stuff out by now, right ma’am?” Chase sounded ever so sweet, probably trying to make me forgive him for lunch.

“I think I’ve got it, but this isn’t going to be easy. Actually, I’m pretty sure some of you will be puking at the end of the day.”

“Sounds great!” Chase replied sarcastically. “What’s the plan for now then?”

“We are going to do an obstacle course. I was planning on giving you an easier on first, but we simply do not have the time.” People sighed and looked reluctant, though I knew for a fact they were at least going to complete the course once. “And as a nice treat for all of you; Captain Martins and Lieutenant Lucas are going to show you how it’s done. Well, what are the two of you waiting for? We don’t have much time you know.” Of course that got me a death-glare, but I was having fun.

The two barely made it through the first three obstacles and finally gave up at the fourth. “Do you honestly think we can pull this off by the end of the day?”

“You lost your cool quite quickly there, Captain Martins.” He rolled his eyes and murmured something I couldn’t hear, but I got the general idea. “And no, I don’t think you’ll be able to do this one by the end of the day, but we have to try. Help each other out; we’re a team, act like one!”

“Could you please show us how it’s done, ma’am?” Warrant Officer Brighton asked.

“Well no, not unless one of you helps me out. You see, this course is not one you can do by yourself; you need at least two people.”

“I’ll try, ma’am.” Sergeant Major Lucas offered. I nodded in agreement. Together, we managed to pull through, although not without difficulty.

“So that’s how you’re supposed to do this. Thank you for your cooperation, Lucas.” He nodded back to me, still out of breath. “Good luck, I know you guys can do this!”

“Major, if you don’t mind, I’d like to skip this round.” Sergeant Major Lucas was beat from that one try.

“That’s all right, just rest for this once. The others can start to make their way through this course.” The five remaining participants left and I sat down on a rock next to Lionel.

“That thing is brutal! Are we going to have to do something as hard as this every day now?” Lionel broke the silence.

“Afraid so, yes. We don’t have a choice now that they’ve only given us a week of preparation.” I took my rubber band out of my hair, along with a lot of dirt. That’s what you get living in Gedhi, it’s a rainy country with a lot of woods. Today was one of those rainy days as it had been drizzling all day. I suspected it to get a lot worse in an hour or so.

“This sucks.” I nodded and we both watched the other try and make their way through the obstacle course. Nathaniel and Chase were in the lead, working together this time. Mary, Danny and Joseph followed. They might not have been going as fast as the two men in front, but I was proud seeing them work together as well as they did. “Hey uhm… about yesterday,” he took his time trying to think of what to say, “I hope you didn’t take it personally when I said you shouldn’t worry about me flirting.”

“I didn’t.”

“Good, because it’s got nothing to do with you, it’s just that…”

“Well Major, I hope the first ones in get a kiss as a prize.” Chase; smooth as silk.

“Man, you have to hit on her every chance you get?” Lionel complained.

“Beautiful women are only available for so long, you have to take every chance you get, little brother.” Chase stepped in a little closer and winked. “I like your hair down by the way.” The vicarious shame was overwhelming in both Lionel and Nathaniel.

“Lieutenant Lucas, you are just asking to clean the toilets.” Lionel and Nathaniel laughed, Chase not so much.

“And here I thought we were on first name basis.” He turned around and walked off nonchalantly. I just shook my head; there were simply no words to respond to this.

 “What happened here?” Lieutenant Buckley asked upon looking at Chase walking away.

“Don’t mind him; he just received the cold shoulder.” Lionel stated neutrally.

“Well, that’s a bit overreacted, isn’t it? I just made it clear I wasn’t interested in his romantic overtures.” Frankly, I thought he got that the first time he tried. I thought he just liked to mess with me.

“He should know better than to flirt with his superior anyway.” Captain Martins spoke in an official tone.

“Oh, it’s not like I absolutely hate it or find the flirting way out of line, it’s more that I want him to know that it’s a waste of time and effort on his behalf.”

“That much against inter-office dating, are you?” Officer Brighton asked.

I sort of half smiled. “No, not exactly. Either way; I think we have time for one more trip around the course. Let’s make it a race; last one in has to make dinner. Ready, set, go!” Alliances formed while running: Chase and Nathaniel (who’d have thought, right?) with also Lionel, Danny and Joseph sided together and I chose to team up with Mary. Naturally, Mary and I came in first. Not too long after that; Chase, Nathaniel and Lionel finished, with Danny and Joseph as a close third.

“Damn, I don’t like cooking.” Danny murmured after they’d crossed the finish line.

“Too freaking bad, because you came in last!” Mary almost jumped up in the air out of joy. “Who said women shouldn’t be in the army? Ha, in your face!” I had to admire her enthusiasm, but with her short twenty-two years, it was to be expected.

“She sounds like she just won the lottery.” Chase remarked and everyone laughed; the comparison was quite fitting. When Mary was done doing her victory dance thing, we headed back to the camp to get some food.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I suggest we all take a shower and meet back here in half an hour.” I felt dirty, and not the good kind. There was mud in places I didn’t care to mention and my hair had gotten even worse after that last round. Mostly because I’d been too reluctant to tie it back up.

“I think that might not be such a bad idea.” Joseph looked down and saw that the mud had gotten in his pants through a rip in the fabric.

Everyone eventually agreed on meeting in the cafeteria half an hour later. And after a few very persistent attempts on Chase’s behalf to get into a shower with me, I was on my way to my own room. Since I occupied a reasonably high position, I did not only have my own personal room, but also a private shower. This last thing I considered to be the closest I would ever get to heaven. I looked in the mirror before stepping into the shower. My hair was filled with bits of dried up mud, which made it look even messier than it already was. In my profession, wavy, strawberry-blonde hair that reached the lowest point of my shoulder-blades was not a very handy thing to have, but I liked my hair that way. Not only my hair was tainted with mud, my face hadn’t been spared either. It was actually kind of funny how the stripe of mud beneath my eyes brought out their light-blue colour. I took off the remainder of my clothes and threw them on a pile of laundry. As soon as I stepped under the stream of hot water, I felt myself relax. But only about five minutes later, I heard someone knocking on my door. “Dammit,” I whispered to myself. I rinsed out my hair more in record-time, threw on my bathrobe and hasted to the door.

“Ma’am, you have to help!” A frantic Joseph Kelly yelled immediately after the door had swung open.

“Calm down, Kelly! What’s going on?”

-Chapter 3-

“It’s Lucas and Buckley; they’re fighting and we can’t break them up.” Of course it was Lucas. I sighed and stormed out of my own room. Thinking time was of the essence, I didn’t take any chances by putting on clothes. When I arrived at the spot Kelly had guided me to, I saw it was not the Lucas I’d thought to be in this fight; it was the younger brother.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I demanded. The two abruptly stopped fighting out of pure shock. I don’t even think I’d ever heard myself this pissed. “Well? I demand to know what was going on here!”

“Buckley punched my brother because I told him he was gay.” Chase admitted guiltily.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! This is what made me cut my shower short? What were you thinking, Buckley; that you could just punch the gay out of him? And Lucas, what possibly possessed you not to tell me? I don’t give a rat’s ass about someone sexual orientation, but some people do. And it seems to me that it might’ve been useful to let me know about it in advance. The both of you can clean the entire kitchen after dinner, clear?”

“But ma’am, last time Buckley got punished, you said he’d get extra next time he’d make a mistake.”

“Buckley, I swear to God, if you don’t shut your mouth right now, I’ll make you clean the toilets with your own toothbrush!” I wasn’t even kidding. I mean, what was he thinking, punching his own teammate because he happened to be gay? It made me positively sick to my stomach. I started walking away. “And to think I had to do this in my freaking bathrobe! Missing my shower for God’s sake! Jeez, I feel like punching people myself right now! I don’t think I’ve ever been this pissed off!” I was sure I was out of hearing-distance, so I kept quiet and went into my room and got dressed. I shot one last, disappointed look at my shower and closed the door behind my back, ready for a fun dinner. Sarcasm, you better understand it.

During dinner, the mood was tense and even right after, when Lionel and Danny went to clean the kitchen, not a single word was exchanged. Not even Chase bothered to talk. “Okay guys, are we going to do the same thing as yesterday?” Mary eventually tried.

Since no one answered her, I asked: “What was it you did yesterday?”

“Oh, nothing special, we just played some cards and listened to some music. It was a good time for bonding though.” Mary added and soon regretted.

“Well, I think I remember saying I might join. Didn’t I, Chase?” Chase just looked at his feet, apparently not listening to the conversation. “I think I really do like you.” No response. “I’m afraid I love you, Chase.” Still nothing. “Chase, take me now.” Nope, shoes were more interesting. “I think he’s broke; we need a mechanic.”

“Huh?” Seriously? That got me a response? Maybe better he hadn’t heard the rest; he’d never let go of it.

“I wanted to know if you were in for strip-poker.” 

“Uh no, not today.” Okay, something was really wrong; he would’ve never turned me down if he were in his right mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Chase shook his head and looked away. “Chase? If you talk to me you can get that winner’s kiss.” He forced himself to smile and tried to walk away. I wouldn’t let him just get away, so I followed him. When I was positive no one would hear or see us, I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Please, Des, not now. And ordering me to talk won’t work either.” He turned back around.

“Then let’s try this: I might look and act like I don’t give a damn, but I care about every single person in this unit. That includes you, Chase, whether you like it or not.”

“It’s funny how I’ve wanted you to say that ever since we first met and now that you’ve said it, I still don’t feel any different.”

“Wait, so you actually liked me? I thought you were just doing that to get on my nerves. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that I care how you feel and I want to make you feel better. So tell me what’s causing you to feel this way so I can help. Please Chase, let me help you.”

Chase sighed. “You are never just going to let me walk away, are you?” I shook my head. “Of course not. It’s just… I’m his big brother, you know? I should be the one protecting him, not getting him beat up. I made a mistake and he had to pay for that. It has been so hard on him already and here I am, only making it worse. I have got to be the worst big brother in the history of mankind.” I did something I would’ve never expected myself to do; I hugged him.

“You are a great brother. I’ve seen you looking out for him more than once and that so-called beating? He merely got some bruises; I think the training has left him with more damage.  You slipped up, we all do that sometimes. What you have to remember is that your brother can take perfectly good care of himself. I get that you feel like you should be there to protect him, but you have to let him stand on his own two feet as well.”

“I know, it’s just difficult to just stand back and watch.”

“I can imagine that it might be.”

“Thank you, Des, this really helped.” He hugged me this time and I hugged him back. “And yes, I really do like you.” He let go and walked away, leaving me stunned.

“What was that all about?” I hadn’t even seen Nathaniel coming, so his sudden presence made me jump a little. “Oh, you didn’t want anyone to see, huh? This is getting even more interesting.”

“What are you implying?” I said, irritated by his accusation.

“I think you know perfectly well what I’m implying.” He wore a smug expression.

“If you think Lieutenant Lucas and I are romantically involved, I would like to assure that that’s not the case.” I tried to look fierce, but I had no way of knowing if I actually pulled that off.

“Okay, does he know that?” He was very calm, which annoyed me even more.

“Of course he does! Right?” I started to doubt it, hugging him might not have been a big deal to me, but he could’ve interpreted it very differently.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one getting hugged, I wouldn’t know. But I’d talk to him about it if I were you.” Nathaniel thought his words over and added: “Or I could do it for you.”

“As your supervisor I can’t ask you to do that.” I made sure to say that in a way that also said: but please do.

“Fine, I’ll do it, but you owe me.” Thank heavens he knew what I meant.

“Fine.” Nathaniel started to walk away. “And thank you, I’m such a dork when it comes to these things.”

Nathaniel stopped walking, his interest peeked. “Really now?”

“I was a giant freaking loser in school, okay? Why do all of you find that so hard to believe?!” Really, it was not like I had the cheerleader-mentality.

“Oh, uhm… nothing, never mind.” He didn’t look away, so I just stared at him expectantly. “Well, you’re so pretty.” I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Not necessarily because of what he’d said, but the way he said it was just… priceless. He’d made it sound like he was some creep in a dark alley, one who’d just helped himself to some helium. “Okay, now I have no problem whatsoever to believe you were a geek.” Now he did walk away.

“Hey, was that an insult?!” Nathaniel just waved back and didn’t even look around.

Now that I was left alone with not a lot to do, I decided to retreat to my room and maybe read a little or just go to sleep early. I plumped down on my bed with a book in my hands, but with every letter my eyes passed, my focus on actual reading became less and less. My thoughts took me back to the conversation with Chase. I began doubting if I should’ve hugged him in the first place; it was totally unprofessional and I should’ve thought about the possible consequences first. I was usually never that spontaneous, I liked to think things over for a very long time before deciding to act on them. But hugging Chase had felt right at the time and I really thought it had helped him realize he wasn’t a bad brother or a bad person in general. Maybe I worried too much, maybe Chase hadn’t thought anything of it either and was I getting myself worked up over nothing. But I didn’t want to take the chances. It could be bad for the both of us; dating a colleague was strictly forbidden and if anyone as much as suspected it, you could end up on the black list for the rest of your life. Another knock on my door shook me out of my thoughts.

“It’s me, Chase, I wanted to talk to you. If that’s okay with you, I mean.” Oh fuck, what if he was here to confess his love for me? I slapped myself awake; what the hell was I thinking?

“Just open the freaking door, you idiot!” I whispered to myself. “So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked, trying and failing to sound casual.

“Really, you’re going to try that one?”

I shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

Chase laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe we should discuss this in private?”

“Y-yeah sure, come in.” He looked around a bit and sat down on a hand-me-down sofa chair, one that had the ugliest shade of green I’d ever encountered. I went for the desk chair, since I figured sitting on my bed would make me a whole lot less comfortable.

“So Nate talked to me about what happened.” I just nodded, feeling too awkward to talk. “And I really just wanted you to know that even though I really like you, I will never act on it.” Shit, now I had to say something.

“That’s great! Not because I don’t like you, it’s just that we’re not allowed to date and I just don’t date on principal. But I’m sure you’ll find a great woman and live happily ever after and all of that sensitive crap I despise. I’m sure you’ll be a lot happier with anyone but me.” I stopped myself from talking before anything even more embarrassing could come out of my mouth.

“Good, I’m glad we cleared this up. I’ll just be heading back to my own bed and get some rest. Okay bye!” And the door slammed shut behind him. Well, that was without doubt the most awkward moment of my
army-career. I decided to follow Chase’s lead and get some shuteye.

It was a normal day at the office. I’d just started finishing off the Mandicorp. report and Sarah had just come in five minutes late, as per usual.

“Hey, have you seen the new guy yet?” Sarah sticks her head up above my cubicle. “He’s just here to organize files, but I’ve heard he’s very cute and only one year older than you.”

“Sarah, would you stop trying to set me up on a date? I’m perfectly happy with just my job and my cat.”

“You have a cat? I have a dog myself. Pets are great aren’t they?” A guy I assumed was new here, had showed up next to me. His voice was nice and warm and Sarah hadn’t been lying when she said he was cute. His light-brown eyes were dreamy and his curly blonde hair, combined with a nice tan made my heart skip a beat.

“Ye-yeah, they are, they are great.” I finally managed to stammer out. I wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but I had the feeling I was blushing. I turned back to my laptop and tried to resume my work. Unfortunately, I was such a spaz that I somehow managed to sweep half of my document off my desk, onto the floor. I knelt down to pick them up and so did the new guy. Our fingers touched accidentally and the guy just looked up and smiled at me.

“You’ve got beautiful eyes, ma’am.”

“Th-thank you.” I swallowed and avoided eye contact.

“Here are your documents, I hope everything’s still in order.” He smiled again and I was sure I’d turned bright-red by now. I nodded my thanks and took the documents. The new guy brushed the side of my face, placing a lock of hair behind my ear. The next thing that happened, I can only explain as pure and, I have to admit, hot passion. He kissed me passionately and I kissed him back, completely ignoring my surroundings. I only stopped when I heard a loud bang. I looked up and saw Sarah reaching out for me, asking me to help her, but I couldn’t reach her. Then there were more bangs and Sarah fell down on the ground. A deep red liquid started to seep through her blouse and her eyes were blank. I tried to scream, but no words would come out. I started to run to Sarah, but shot up straight instead. Another nightmare. I looked at my alarm clock; two thirty am.

“Well fuck you too, brain.” I said to myself. I lay back down, almost certain I wouldn’t get any more sleep tonight. An hour and a half later, my alarm sounded. It needed only sound once, since I’d been waiting for that exact moment. My sleep had been limited and restless, but I knew I had to give it my all today if I wanted to be ready for Menna in six days. So I got up and started the usual morning-routine and, at the end, finally met up with Nathaniel in the training-hall.

“You look like hell.”

“Why thank you, Nathaniel, you look terrible yourself.” I threw my gym bag to the side and started to warm up.

“This doesn’t, by any chance, have anything to do with the conversation I had with Chase yesterday?” He sounded like he felt vaguely guilty.

“Barely.” I said as I tightened my ponytail. I started taping in my hands, hoping he would drop the subject and would just try to kick my teeth in. I said ‘try’.

“Good, so I take it everything went well when he came to talk to you?”

“It went great, can we focus now?”

“I have a feeling that there’s more to this than you’re actually telling me.” He looked at me with a face that just screamed ‘full of myself’ and I hated it.

“I was under the impression I was your superior and you had to listen to me or get lost.”

“Still after hours, honey.” Nathaniel said with possibly too much sass and he bent down to tie his shoelaces.

I, not really impressed by his comeback, put my foot to his side and pushed him over. Really, it was way too easy; I expect more from my team.

“What did you have to do that for?”

“I wanted to. Are you going to focus on training now or would you prefer to have a small tea party first?”

He sighed and tried to surprise me with a kick toward my stomach. He tried and he failed. I simply grabbed his foot and pushed it back. Nathaniel did manage to keep on his feet, which was quite impressive. He waited for me to come at him, so I did. But certainly not the way he thought I would. I ran at him with my arm raised as if I were to punch him, but at the last possible second, I made it into a tackle and knocked Nathaniel over. He wasn’t too happy about that, so he got up as fast as he possibly could and he was on his feet before I even was. Then he practically jumped on top of me (please don’t take that the wrong way) and held me down the way I’d taught him to. Like I’ve said before; I can get out of that grip, just not by playing nice. I might’ve kicked him in the nuts at that moment. When he instinctively grabbed his junk to protect it from further harm, I pushed him over, onto the floor and held my forearm pressed to his windpipe.

“So, how did trying to surprise me work out for you?”

“Probably as well as falling for a co-worker worked out for you.”

“You do know I’m in the perfect position to choke you, right?”

“Is that what you’re into? I had you picked as a passionate bed-partner.”

I’d had it by now. “You want to give it a shot, big boy?” That sure as hell caught him off guard, but he was quick to recover.

“I wonder what would happen if I’d say yes.” He raised his eyebrows, thinking he’d won the argument.

“You would not be able to move the day after.” I said and got up, leaving Nathaniel lying on the floor, shocked.

“I don’t know what just happened, but I think it counts as cheating.”

“Unless you have a girlfriend, neither of us could be cheating.” I had a feeling I would be getting these comments for the rest of the day.

“Then why don’t you tell me what happened between you and Chase, because he came back pretty upset.”

“He did? God, why couldn’t I just be a brainless, pretty doll like my dad wanted me to be?” Yeah, my father hadn’t exactly been a ‘father of the year’ nominee.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over this. He got the wrong idea, that’s not your fault.” If only it were that easy. Nathaniel obviously hadn’t had a lot of relationships.

“Thing is; I might have given him the wrong idea and that is my fault. You know how there are people who just shouldn’t be allowed to date?” He smiled sadly and nodded. “I’m one of those people. No, that’s not true; I’m the queen of those people. I’m just so awful at expressing my feelings that I end up bottling them up inside and never let anyone know about any of them.” That was something I was actually good at; acting like there was nothing going on when I felt like a ticking time-bomb inside.

“You might not deduce it from my great looks,” he was clearly joking there, “but I haven’t been in a lot of relationships. And the one real relationship I’ve had, ended because she finally got tired of my constant working and my incapability to talk about feelings. It doesn’t even matter whose feelings it are, I just can’t talk about them.”

“So you really liked her, didn’t you?” I mean, only one real relationship and he was, what? 27? That would’ve had to be one long relationship.

“We were engaged. I broke it off after six years.”

“Wait, you broke it off?” It had really sounded to me like she’d stopped it.

“Yeah; I came home early one day and found out I wasn’t the only man using our bed. I can’t blame her though, what would you do if your man was never there?” Okay, wow, just wow.

“You can’t honestly tell me you don’t think she was wrong in doing what she did.” No one would forgive cheating that easily, unless maybe if they were cheating themselves, but I hardly pictured Martins to be that kind of guy.

“Of course she was wrong. I just feel like she wasn’t the only one responsible for what happened.” I was seriously hoping he wasn’t about to cry or anything, because if there was one thing I absolutely could not deal with, it was crying men.

“Okay, I get it. Must’ve been hard on you.” Believe it or not, but I was not asking these questions because I liked to watch him suffer. I did, but not like this.

“You could say that, but what about you? Chase mumbled something about you not dating out of principle? What kind of idiocy is that?”

“You better not be calling me an idiot, Captain Martins! But it is true; I don’t date out of principle.”

“And what sort of principle is that?”

“The principle that a relationship can only be worse than you imagine. Keeping that in mind; you can only be let down. And so I prefer to have my imagination over the actual thing.” I ended satisfactory.

“Please tell me you’re not a virgin anymore.” Great, more jokes.

“Not exactly.”

“How can you not exactly be a virgin?”

“It’s complicated and not something I like to talk about. What I can say is that it’s part of the reason why I think I’m better off alone.” I held my fingers crossed, hoping he would respect my decision and let it go.

“Then what’s at store for us at training today?” Thank you.

“We’re going to practise close combat.”

“Really? Well then I must have an advantage over the others.” He smiled smugly.

“If you’d actually be good, that would be true.”

Nathaniel laughed. “You can’t even let me have one, can you?”

“Sorry, but I’m afraid that would require a software update.” We both laughed at my stupid, nerdy joke.

“But honestly, just between the two of us; how do you feel about Chase?” If I’d known that, I would have slept better.

-Chapter 4-

“I don’t know. He’s nice and sweet, but I have hated the ‘ladies’ men’ type of guy for as long as I can remember.” Referring back to the ‘not exactly’ right here.

 “You know he’s not really like that, right? And he really is crazy about you. The first evening we spent here, playing cards mostly, he just wouldn’t shut up about you. It drove us crazy, but as I understand from Mary; girls somehow find it cute.”

“Most girls do, but I’m not really one of them. I don’t like it when a guy talks about you non-stop. It’s cute he thinks about you and wants to talk about you, but once he constantly talk about you? I’m sorry, that’s just getting annoying to me.” I took a few sips from the water-bottle in my hands.

“Look, I’m just saying he’s really into you and that he’s not the sort of guy to just dump you after a few weeks, trying to find something new. At least consider giving him a chance, okay?”

“You don’t think I have? That guy has driven me mad by simply appearing in a dream.” I should not have mentioned the dream, probably.

“And you dismissed having a dream about him because…?”

“Because it’s not important to you and it’s also none of your business.” He was very much getting on my nerves and that was not a good place to be.

“Fine, then don’t tell me! But you at least owe it to Chase to be honest to him about your feelings for him.”

“What are you, a matchmaker?”

“Just a very good friend.” He said out loud and I heard him mumble: “Probably an even better one than he’ll ever know.” I decided not to ask about that last part, but I was very curious as to what it meant.

“Okay, I will consider it one more time, but stop pushing me! I’ve got a very good reason not to date and I’d like you both to just respect that, even if you don’t know the reason.” I was very close to actually telling him why I didn’t date, but decided to stop myself.

“I do respect you and your decisions. I was just trying to do a friend a favour; can we just leave it at that?”

“That’s fine by me.”

“I’m starving. Have you eaten already?”

“Just a cracker; I was running a tad late, so tried to save time on breakfast.” Which, judging by the way my stomach felt, hadn’t been a very bright idea.

“So you’re coming with me, how positively awesome.” Nathaniel replied sarcastically.

“If you don’t want me there, I’ll just stay here, pretend you’re a dummy and practise my kicks.” He smiled at me.

“It’s good to know you know what sarcasm sounds like. You wouldn’t believe how many people don’t.” Actually, I would, people are stupid.

“Less talking, more walking, I need my food.”

Nathaniel laughed out loud at that. It was only when he’d calmed down, he could explain what was so funny to him. “I have never and I mean never heard a woman say that about food. To me; they always talk about how they need to eat less to maintain their figure.”

“Maybe so, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say they don’t train ten hours a day.” Sometimes, I even spent more time training, but I thought it best to keep that to myself; ten hours a day is bad enough already.

“No, no they do not, unless you count talking as exercise, because man, they never stop!” Somehow, I found Nathaniel’s constant complaining over women he knew very entertaining.

“As long as you know I’m not like that, make as many comments as you’d like, I’m having a blast.”

“Oh I know you’re not like that; most women would’ve spilled their guts over what happened last night. Whereas you’d rather punch me to the moon and back before talking about it.”

“What can I say? I just like punching people and I have to say; you are one perfect target, my love.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended by that.” He remarked, looking at me confused.

“Well, that depends on how you choose to look at it. I like to punch you in particular; you could take that either way.”

“Then I think I’ll go with flattered, so thank you.” He made a little bow. “Can I get you a cup of coffee as well?” Nathaniel asked as we entered the cafeteria.

“No, thank you, I prefer tea. I have enough energy to last a lifetime or at least usually that is.” I still hadn’t exactly woken up and doubted if I even would before going to bed again.

“Right, of course you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you’re pretty much the world’s greatest hipster; you are different from most people in every sense of the word.”

“I’m not a freaking hipster, okay? Do I look like a hobo to you?” Hipster, what was he thinking?!

“Well, now that you mention it. Ouch, that hurt!” I’d punched him in the arm and apparently, he was going to be a pussy about it.

“If that hurts your delicate, peachy skin, I’m not so sure about taking you to Menna, darling.” Of course I knew he was overreacting and of course I was teasing him just as bad.

“Darling? I didn’t know the two of you were married. I should really inform my brother about this.” Lionel said as he sat down at a table with me and Martins.

“Sergeant Major Lucas, nice to see you’ve made it out of that kitchen alive.” Martins remarked, referring to the punishment I’d given Lucas and Buckley.

“Yeah well, he told me he was just with religion and that he thought the Lord would want him to get some sense in to me.” Lionel sounded as though he thought that the Lord was just some imaginary figure. I’d have to say I agree with that point of view. In my opinion; as long as you can’t see of prove something exists, it doesn’t. Just like magic does not exist.

I snorted in response. “I hope he doesn’t put his faith into his so-called Lord. After all, that Lord isn’t going to fight this battle for us.”

“Maybe you should think about what to say before you say it. Not everyone feels the same way and you could really offend people.”

“Martins, I certainly hope you’re not telling me you believe in God and angels and all that sh… stuff.” I stopped myself from saying ‘shit’ just in time, though I thought both guys knew what I was about to say.

“I’ll have you know my parents were very strict, religious people and that’s how I was raised as well.” I had not seen this one coming, not at all.

“Well, then I hope you can put aside our differences and except the fact that you still have to listen to what I say.” I had no intentions in starting an argument about who was right.

“I will, I no longer put that much faith into a higher power. You can’t really say you believe there is someone or something behind everything once you’ve seen a catastrophe like the Trivian war. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe, I just put my faith in only myself. But what made you decide you so explicitly believe there’s no such thing?”

“Well, as soon as I figured out I was gay and told my best friend, who was religious. Upon that, he decided we could no longer be friends. He did not only leave me on my own, he also told everyone about it. I got beat up every single day, because being gay was ‘not something God intended’.” Lionel sounded bitter, though you can hardly blame the guy.

“Seems fair, but what about you, Major? What made you decide to give up on God?”

“First of all; I don’t believe in anything I can’t either see or prove to be existent. Second; who could possibly believe in such thing when you’re mother gets taken away from you? I was only five years old and I gave up on God, because surely not a single soul could be sadistic enough to take a five year-old’s mother away from her.” That was not all there was to it, but I was just going to leave it at that.

“I’m sorry; it wasn’t my place to ask.” Martins quickly apologized.

I smacked him on the head, hard and said: “Don’t say stupid things and certainly don’t pity me; if there’s anything I don’t need, it’s pity. And for the love of God, don’t say it isn’t your place! You’re a captain for heaven’s sake.”

“It’s funny you should use God in your sentence.” I couldn’t help but smile and Martins, who was still rubbing the spot of his head I’d just hit, smiled as warmly as ever. “How come no one knows about that? I mean; you’re sort of famous, people know all about you. Why not this?”

“Because I never talk about it.” I realized I’d never actually breathed a word about this to anyone until now.

“Then why did you tell us?” Lionel asked, catching my drift.

“We are a family and we have to act like one if we want to survive. We have to fully trust each other.” I felt a bit bad about saying this, when I hadn’t even told them my entire story.

“If you really feel that way, please tell me what our chances of survival are, according to you.” Martins probably thought I wouldn’t have been honest any other time. I can tell that he’d be wrong.

“Slim, very slim, I’ve told you before that we could very well die out there. Menna may not be a warzone, but if we’re compromised, they sure as hell won’t hesitate to kill or torture us. And you better hope they choose killing over torture.” Menna was practically famous for their information-extraction, I’d been tortured in Trivia for a little while and that had been awful, but Menna was like Trivia in tenfold, or so I’d heard.

Lionel swallowed. “It’s really that bad, huh?”

“I’ve heard Menna is ten times worse than Trivia. So, how bad was Trivia, Des?”

“They tortured me for only four days, but that was enough to make me want to die at one point or another. They, however, only took me out of my cell for five minutes a time. And every time they threw me in there again, I got more determined to get out and make them pay, that’s the only thing that kept me going.” I thought back about that time and how it felt when they put that knife against my flesh again. How much I’d wished for them to kill me time and time again. How my barely recovered body had protested when they came to take me from my cell again.

“Are you feeling all right?” Martins had grabbed my shoulder and was looking into my eyes with concern.

“Yeah, I was just thinking back to that time.”

“If they can do this to her in just four days, I’m sure I don’t want to be captured by Mennian soldiers. I wouldn’t make it through the first day!”

“Calm down, Lucas, you won’t get captured; I’ll make sure of that.” I was certain that my voices had sounded gloomy.

“I know for a fact I won’t like the answer to this question, but how will you make sure of that?” Lucas asked, his voice trembling a little.

“Whatever it takes, Lucas.” Martins had answered him. He undoubtedly knew what had to be done if such thing occurred.

The rest of the team arrived before Lionel could respond.

“Reporting for another day of suicidal work, ma’am.” Do I even have to add who said that?

“Very well then, follow me.” I got up, the remainder of my tea still in my hand, and walked back to where I’d come from; the training hall. I heard Officer Brighton sigh when she saw what was in store for her today. “We will be practising some close combat today. This will be in teams, the teams shall be as follows: Lieutenant Lucas and Captain Martins,” I wasn’t being nice, they were just very well matched, “Sergeant Kelly and Lieutenant Buckley,” I actually thought Buckley and Lionel to be more evenly matched, but decided to avoid conflict, “Sergeant Major Lucas and Officer Brighton.” I’d seen Brighton shoot nearly perfect rounds and she’d been fairly good at the obstacle course. Only I’d seen her jump whenever someone surprised her, which made me think she might not be just as good at close combat.

I proved to be correct. Sergeant Major Lucas had already worked Officer Brighton to ground ten times in only one hour, before I decided to step in.